Speak now or forever hold your piece...

So many things to share lately...where to begin?  The husband getting a new car? Me becoming an American? My finally getting a little bit organized? My finding the perfect office desk for an awesome price and the store to not have it until God knows when again? The baby saying "no" as her first word? How lucky and grateful I am for my husband? Me gaining 7 lbs. after starting a diet?  The ex-husband encounter? The relatives dropping the divorce bomb on me?
Pick a topic, please!

Did a weight get lifted from my shoulders?

Ah! the magic of therapy... in my rationalizing mode I was able to discern sometime today how I have been original, how I am not a fake, how I must give myself credit for what I've achieved and how I haven't failed anyone. I did get a higher education degree and it did take me a year to research and write a thesis on international terrorism, I did win prizes and spelling bees in grade school and I did belong in the honor roll all those times I was a straight A student. Where the notion that I'm a fake came, I still haven't a clue, but I will figure it out.
In the meantime, this little piece of insight helps me somewhat to deal with my current situation, where I feel so discredited and unrecognized in the workplace; then again, the therapist is right to remind me that whatever I do I must do to feel better and if doing or not doing something has the opposite effect, that's something to try and change. "What you want is to lift yourself up, not dig the hole deeper."
Life is hard, people are sneaky, but I still am capable, whole, good hearted, loved, sincere, and need the responsible, caring, charming me to come around every once in a while, to put the critical, lackadaisical, me at ease for even a few hours.
I need to develop a plan of tasks to complete and little by little build a stash of accomplishments to feel proud of, along with making the gratitude bag fatter.

Stay at home mom, a lesson learned?

So I win the stupidest woman of the week award for sure…turns out I let my guard down and purchased a case of "high quality" beef and "premium" seafood from a couple of door-to-door salesmen lastnight.

"Medi’s Meats" in Sioux Falls prices the beef case for $299 and the seafood for $299, I paid $390 for both…ugh. Also, although Medi’s Meats is a licensed business, their drivers might not be. My gut told me the guys looked like they just walked out of prison, and I was probably right, the one Daniel guy looked like a drug addict as well.

I guess I can keep googling until my eyes pop out of my head but I will drop the issue because all I’ve found is:

-Turns out that most of these “salesmen” are drug addicts, and since they “get paid daily” they’re just looking for their next score. Sure enough, they cashed my check right away!

-repackaged meats

-ecoli burgers

-water and flavor pumped meat

-expired meats

And the list goes on… Like I said, Medi’s Meats is a licensed and registered business in Sioux Falls, unlike those I’ve found on the google searches, so I’m just praying that their product isn’t tainted. Although I did pay $141 less that what the stuff was “retailed” for, I still feel like an idiot as I actually thought I got a good deal getting beef and seafood for $2.94/serving, I just hope the meat doesn’t make us sick, since we already ate some of it (being Fat Tuesday and Lent beginning today and all).

What makes me feel the stupidest is that I actually let them inside my home, while I was alone with my sweet baby girl, what an IDIOT! And they were offering to help me “find room” in our freezer downstairs, they were checking everything out and I did not feel safe, if I were my husband I would have yelled at me for hours! But he didn’t, he’s a “stuffer”, and now I’m left with this huge guilt from first of all putting my baby and myself in danger; secondly, spending that ridiculous amount of money for which we have other priorities and I should have discussed with my husband first, AND I was bamboozled because I did NOT get a good deal, I was ripped off, considering the prices were not $418/case but a still questionable $299; and lastly, buying something that may not be safe for our consumption and now I feel like we shouldn’t eat any of it.

Please somebody help me, I’m trying to not beat myself down as much but I can’t seem to get a grip.

Prayer Against Depression

St. Ignatius of Loyola's Prayer Against Depression
O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.

By St. Ignatius of Loyola
Read more: http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/StIgnatiusPrayerAgainstDepression.htm#ixzz1FTSraYMh