Monday, December 13, 2010

oh the drama, and I let it get to me

What a rush. We must be addicts to feeling lousy, or to the reaction or rise we get from others when we treat them like shit. I know I fell for it, like the recovering alcoholic I am... I got my fix of adrenaline from the anger I felt, after "letting" her use me as her dart board. Hook, line, and sinker...she lured me, I bit, and then she reeled me in, chewed me and spat me out. And since it seems we're all in kindergarten and dysfunctional individuals, with zero sense of accountability she proceeded to justify her low blow and blame me for having been rude to me. As the codependent old me, I felt like an idiot "because of her".
Please don't feel bad for me though. I did initially express my dissatisfaction assertively, and in a healthy and workplace appropriate way tried to establish a boundary. Then the rage was stronger. I did honestly wish for her day to get better, I'm sure it did after vomiting poison all around her.

What a great start of my week. What a blessing having a job is, right? We get to be around such healthy and inspiring individuals and their joy is so contagious. I would like to scream. Mornings like today and I want to scream, I can't take it anymore. What saved me was my self awareness, I chose to stop the thread and not drag the drama into my home, I chose not to be mean with my family, I chose to be honest, open and loving, I chose to go on and do what I need to do, to care for those I love and to feel their love. I chose to be a better me.
Hey I'm still on the road, I don't know when I'll get there...freedom is health, spiritual bliss, peace, love, hope.

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