Number three turns three

This little baby is 3 years old today. After E was born I had a scary moment and my hormones and weight have been out of whack. We have stopped trying to have babies for the time being and just recently have I started to see the numbers on the scale go down rather than up. I can't remember the last time I weighed under 200 lbs! Last week I hit 198, phew! 

E is a very special little girl who is so different than her sisters. We love her dearly. she is soft spoken and 90% of the time she is awake she is fussing about something, so she's become Grumpy Smurf. Her appetite is not at all like that of her sisters and is very frustrating for everyone to be around during meal times as she usually refuses all foods.

P is almost 7 and L is 5. They are so much fun until bedtime comes around and L refuses to go to bed, she always has something going on that prevents her from relaxing, there are tears almost every night since she was born. That's a lot of nights. My husband and I have looked at older photos of us and boy do we look old and tired. Thank you, L!! She will start Kindergarten next fall and is very bright and kind, curious and VERY funny.

 P is a joy, since she was born she's been mostly adorable. She started Kinder last fall and totally LOVES school. She has so much fun and is a good friend and student. She enjoys chess, playing on her computer, reads 100 books in a week, (if we counted I'm sure she does), and learning everything about everything.

I have many ups and downs. Still trying to deal with the sense of dread and failure. And what shall I do with my life other than be a mom and a very bad wife and house keeper. I hate cleaning, for example. 

I work part time here and there, have no future goals other than make a bit of money to pay bills and extras. Not much of a career. I have been "just" an employee of some kind or another that I have no sense of what I imagined my professional life to be when I used to dream about anything.

I am a lousy spouse, as I lack any affection toward my husband. I guess we give what we get and for so long I have gotten no affection other than when sex is requested or expected that I just avoid it altogether. YUCK. My weight and self esteem has totally played a part in this as I feel very uncomfortable baring it all.  I don't know what it is to live with me but I imagine it must be nice at times but horrible most of the time.  

I guess this took an unexpected turn. I wanted to write about my "baby" turning 3, and I ended on a sad note. The power of letting it out I guess. I shouldn't stop it. I tried to write a few weeks ago but for the life of me I couldn't even remember how to log into my blog account. 

It is clear I am still on the road to freedom. 

Peace~

My delicious meatballs

I had been trying to find the right recipe for meatballs. I recently came up with our ultimate favorite.
People use either breadcrumbs or oatmeal in their meatballs. I have used both lately. as well as beef and Italian sausage. The result has been these delicious moist and tasty meatballs that our middle child loves. She has severe food allergies, it is hard to find something she may and want to eat. She
always asks for spaghetti and meatballs.

1.5 lb lean ground beef
1 lb Italian sausage (we like hot)
1/2 c breadcrumbs
1/2 c old fashioned oats
3/4 c water
1/2 c Parmesan
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 tbsp oregano or Italian seasoning herbs
2 tbsp olive oil
1/2 to 1 cup beef broth

Mix everything and make meatballs no larger than 2 inches, heat 12 in. skillet with no more than 2 tbsp olive oil. Add meatballs and pan fry on medium heat until brown an all sides; then pour the beef broth (eyeball it), lower the heat to medium low, cover, and let cook for a good 10 to 15  minutes.  You may turn the meatballs now and then, but it is good to let the steam make them juicier.  You may nestle them in the tomato sauce if you are having spaghetti and meatballs, or do as we do and place your cooked noodles in the bowl, then the meatballs then pour tomato sauce over your pasta. Sprinkle with fresh grated Romano, pecorino or Parmesan and enjoy!

P.S. We sometimes use left over meatballs and half-homemade tomato sauce for sandwiches on crunchy french bread with melted mozzarella or provolone. I will post the tomato sauce recipe some other time.

Hello...it's me, Envious

Mirror, mirror on the Wall, who's the happiest of them all?

I am so envious. And bitter, and struggling with good stuff. The dread is large and so is the debt. It imprisons and chokes and if you suffer in a vicious cycle well then there is no end. Anxiety has been rampant and my heart can't catch a break, it's hard to breathe and counting pennies is so sad.

I wish I had more joyous word after so much time. I may share some recent recipes instead of pouring out my loneliness and stormy thoughts. Happy Feast of Saint Juan Diego. May his intercession and Our Lady's reach Jesus' ears fast!

Craving lemon pie

This past week, I was craving lemon pie, but more precisely, a lemon dessert I used to eat in Mexico all the time, called Carlota de Limon, made with galletas Marias and a lime cream made with lime (or lemon) juice, condensed milk and evaporated milk, super easy.  And since my daughter is allergic to eggs, no way I'm making lemon pie anytime soon. In order to satisfy the craving,  I'm making the Mexican dessert today, after posting this entry. Thank God I found a recipe here: Carlota de limón and I will live happily ever after this weekend :) 


By the way, I am so excited and happy to have found Las Delicias del Buen Vivir blog!!!

Lately

I stopped posting on fb about what meals I was preparing most every night after the ugly "quinoa meatball class" incident. See, I still get very angry and anxious when thoughts about the incident's perpetrator come out of the depth. 

By elimination, I then assumed that if I stopped posting about the meals no one else would ask me to teach anyone else how to make my strange concoctions. But the thing is, that I ENJOY posting about my meals, and if by doing so others have been inspired to either do a meatless day of their week, or eat more "weird" foods,  that makes me smile a little. 

So here are meals we've tried lately:

Eggplants with potatoes in pita pockets. The potatoes were awesome. The eggplants are not my husband's favorite but he still ate a lot of this :)

Black eyed peas with greens over couscous. I tried this recipe Black-Eyed Peas With Collard Greens - The New York Times and served over couscous. 

Basmati rice and Chickpea and spinach stew. I used this recipe Chickpea and Spinach Curry and served over basmati rice. 

Penne rigate with sweet corn, zucchini, mushrooms and onions. I used my head to figure this one out :) I seasoned with oregano, sea salt and pepper.

When the baby was sick I made it a point to mix cut up peaches with fresh raspberries and drizzle with honey, since raspberries help the lungs recover. We all loved this simple dessert. 

Unfortunately, these dished have not been favorites in our house, but I'm glad we tried them. I did love the black eyed peas and I might serve them over rice when I make it again.

Subject: catch up

Subject: catch up

Heyo… I was just thinking that I really hope we can catch up this weekend, seems like a lifetime since I last saw you 

Having and keeping and nurturing friends as a grown up, busy, crazy, mom is so darn challenging! I feel like I only have a handful of true friends left, but they live so far away and I only have contact with them online, that’s when facebook is a wonder; basically, I only have you here in town and A, but she is gone until the end of the month!  See the thing is that slowly, all the gals who I thought were friends since moving here have left my life mostly because even after demonstrating how much I cared about them, I don’t think they have understood the way I am and the boundaries I actually do set as the friendship progresses. However sad it has been I’ve also been angry and disappointed with their attitudes and in the end, my mom is right, in friendship as in any other relationship, when we let people go we realize how important our presence is in their lives when no matter what you stick around for each other. I believe you and I have remained friends thus far because we both respect the other’s limits, understand that work, husbands and daughters take our energy and we sometimes fear we’re going mad(der)  and we both want the other to get to heaven!! That’s what we’re about. I love you. I hope we stay friends a long time.

Turning two was so easy. Three is showing its ugly face.

Little P will be three years old in less than eight weeks. I want to think we're ready, as so many exciting things are happening in her world. She is such a lovely smart, funny and caring precious little person. So much of me and so much of dad in her has begun to show through, and at times it is like we truly put mom and dad's qualities in a blender and this mix of personality is in front of us-and it can be frustrating and scary when it's the "negative" kind.
Two has been so much fun, full of tender and marvelous moments, of discoveries and beauty. So much growth at leaps and bounds.
Three is starting to sound exhausting, but fun; marked by the quintessential fight for freedom but wanting to remain our baby, accompanied by growing horrible temper tantrums, stubbornness bordering on OCD, with our wonderful child who used to eat everything we offered her is now so picky. The child who loved babies and animals is always fighting or bossing her sister around and bothering the 15 year old elderly cat. The child who had a solid nap schedule until she was 2 years old now rarely will go for an afternoon nap and is so cranky and exhausted at the end of the day that she drives herself and all around her absolutely bonkers and patience is so flimsy we can see it vanish.
So full of opinions, wonderful stories and love for books and yoga.
What a challenging time is coming upon us. I am so nervous and amazed at the same time. My daughter is a wonderful teacher and mirror. Her presence in my life makes my thoughts flourish and suddenly very old, deep memories come back to me as if I were there, a little me, living those moments again, smelling or touching toys, food, pets, hugging my mother, chasing my brother, playing with cousins, playing games, singing songs, wearing little me outfits, eating steamed veggies or ham sandwiches...
Glad to be back here,  writing. Enjoy.