for the sake of peace

After being lectured by my husband, I have edited this post bordering in freedom of expression issues but I'm too tired to fight over it.

kitties always make us smile, right?

I wish I knew how the issue was addressed.

 
I believe this person was actually told that I complained about her attitude and I also believe this hinders and jeopardizes the no-retaliation policy that a workplace must protect and provide its employees. Now, I'm the one who brought the matter to my manager's attention, for the simple reason that lately it appears that anything goes in the workplace. Regardless (or especially)if you have a friendship relationship with a person you met at work, when you're at work there are standards and expectations and we are ALL subjected to them, I don't care who you are, or if someone "triggered it" we are all responsible for keeping our emotions and frustrations in check and therefore, if your behavior is unacceptable, then that's what it should be addressed as. Own it, make amends if you can, and don't blame others for your disrespectful attitude.

Yes, I agree in the general concept of forgive and forget, however there has seemed to be a double standard in place, let me explain:

Let's suppose for a minute that it was me who reacted that way, pointed my finger, yelled and walked way; like I explained to my manager, I would have gotten into a lot of trouble and probably would not have heard the end of it from her and my fellow co-workers, because "how dare I treat dear nice social butterfly lady like that". So, who comes out on my defense? Myself, the good old company handbook, (hopefully) my manager, and the HR people we all may contact when in doubt.

I did receive feedback from my manager, and I appreciate that. I was made aware that in others' point of view, I was yelling as well; I honestly do not recall it that way, and I disputed that. I do believe that I just happened to be the target of the aggression but it probably wasn't intended to be, as it could have been directed at anyone present but it happened to be me because I was right in front of her and I did ask the person to calm down.

 

Again maybe due to how this whole thing was addressed, I could have lost a friend and although I'm willing to be civil in the workplace, it appears at times that people are not willing to adhere to the courtesy guidelines the company (and maybe society, depending on where you grew up it seems)requires of all of us, and apparently ignoring your co-workers selectively is written between the company handbook's lines as appropriate behavior. Yes, that's what it is! Since EVERYONE does this, ignore co-workers selectively is definitely the way to go and this is how to do it:

-Do not make eye contact or say good morning or goodbye (extend this behavior to your relatives if they happen to be around)

-Don't ever smile at them

-Have a dry even angry look on your face at all times when the selected person is nearby

-Be (super) nice to others, however, skipping the selected individual

 

Hey, I do it to certain people...now I know how it feels!

 

I end this post with a smile, noting that we all have stories, we all have good nights and bad mornings, our lives converge and sometimes we can't help it, but if I want to better serve God, I must forgive and forget, and let the other people be, but stand up for myself and justice when my conscience begs me to. That is all I did.

How many tries?

my footsteps in Cozumel

"How many times should I forgive my brother? Seventy times seven."
Well, I can only make it to three, and that's after the other person not having apologized at all any of those three times.
However, trying to follow my empathic instinct, values, "out of the goodness of my heart", or however you may call it I had decided to take their previous disrespect as "maybe they're having a bad day" or "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, it's not my fault" which is still my approach this time... but I've also decided to shut that person out of my spectrum of trust, friendship, and people I held "dear to my heart". Like my dad said, be where you like to be with people you like :-)
If they're such unhappy individuals, and they are aware there are places where they may receive the help and understanding that they might need, good for them, but as of today, I no longer am interested in their life and will not speak ill nor well of them in any circle, if they come or go, hurt or not, succeed or fail as Gable told Leigh: "Frankly, (my dear), I don't give a damn".

I have worn my heart on my sleeve my whole young life and I've been burnt because of this so many times I get so tired of it; and I also think this may be one of the major contributors to this never ending struggle with mood swings, hopelessness, loneliness, feeling of rejections, and ultimately depression I experience. It is so very painful to feel ostracized, to be the odd one out, to know you've done no wrong and still have the other party be defended by the other people in the room because "I said something that came across very aggressive", disregarding that the other individual was the one behaving aggressively toward me and the whole group. It is a very unpleasant feeling to not have your emotions acknowledged and to feel that with their silence, lack of action, and basically a lack of a backbone the group is telling me what Gable told Leigh...that THEY don't give a damn about me or my feelings either! but, why should they?

I walk alone...

oh the drama, and I let it get to me

What a rush. We must be addicts to feeling lousy, or to the reaction or rise we get from others when we treat them like shit. I know I fell for it, like the recovering alcoholic I am... I got my fix of adrenaline from the anger I felt, after "letting" her use me as her dart board. Hook, line, and sinker...she lured me, I bit, and then she reeled me in, chewed me and spat me out. And since it seems we're all in kindergarten and dysfunctional individuals, with zero sense of accountability she proceeded to justify her low blow and blame me for having been rude to me. As the codependent old me, I felt like an idiot "because of her".
Please don't feel bad for me though. I did initially express my dissatisfaction assertively, and in a healthy and workplace appropriate way tried to establish a boundary. Then the rage was stronger. I did honestly wish for her day to get better, I'm sure it did after vomiting poison all around her.

What a great start of my week. What a blessing having a job is, right? We get to be around such healthy and inspiring individuals and their joy is so contagious. I would like to scream. Mornings like today and I want to scream, I can't take it anymore. What saved me was my self awareness, I chose to stop the thread and not drag the drama into my home, I chose not to be mean with my family, I chose to be honest, open and loving, I chose to go on and do what I need to do, to care for those I love and to feel their love. I chose to be a better me.
Hey I'm still on the road, I don't know when I'll get there...freedom is health, spiritual bliss, peace, love, hope.