Turning two was so easy. Three is showing its ugly face.

Little P will be three years old in less than eight weeks. I want to think we're ready, as so many exciting things are happening in her world. She is such a lovely smart, funny and caring precious little person. So much of me and so much of dad in her has begun to show through, and at times it is like we truly put mom and dad's qualities in a blender and this mix of personality is in front of us-and it can be frustrating and scary when it's the "negative" kind.
Two has been so much fun, full of tender and marvelous moments, of discoveries and beauty. So much growth at leaps and bounds.
Three is starting to sound exhausting, but fun; marked by the quintessential fight for freedom but wanting to remain our baby, accompanied by growing horrible temper tantrums, stubbornness bordering on OCD, with our wonderful child who used to eat everything we offered her is now so picky. The child who loved babies and animals is always fighting or bossing her sister around and bothering the 15 year old elderly cat. The child who had a solid nap schedule until she was 2 years old now rarely will go for an afternoon nap and is so cranky and exhausted at the end of the day that she drives herself and all around her absolutely bonkers and patience is so flimsy we can see it vanish.
So full of opinions, wonderful stories and love for books and yoga.
What a challenging time is coming upon us. I am so nervous and amazed at the same time. My daughter is a wonderful teacher and mirror. Her presence in my life makes my thoughts flourish and suddenly very old, deep memories come back to me as if I were there, a little me, living those moments again, smelling or touching toys, food, pets, hugging my mother, chasing my brother, playing with cousins, playing games, singing songs, wearing little me outfits, eating steamed veggies or ham sandwiches...
Glad to be back here,  writing. Enjoy.

Last few weeks

Christmas was good. I only had a few mood swings but nothing drastic or bad enough to make me get into trouble with J or other relatives. At least, that's my impression!
New Year's was ok, I managed to stay up and receive the New Year and toast with J. Romantic-wise, it's getting a bit better, too, so I guess he's probably grateful that part  of me is "coming back" a little at a time, at least. I actually don't feel like abhorring him anymore so I'm grateful that part of me is going away since I did marry the guy :-)

Little P is doing so good she's the cutest little thing in the whole world and I love her with all my being. I get so tired as the night sets in every day though, I pray that God has us ion his good list and sends us the grace so that I can manage to work out soon. It's awkward because she nurses and I feel like a cow, I can get over the cow thing but I'd never nursed a baby before and although it's been going well and I'm thankful for this I resent "being a slave to the pump or the baby" and how I at least should be happy that I can sleep through the night without P wanting to eat anymore. I know I can leave her with a sitter while I work out, but I'd have to pay the sitter, pay the gym fee, or pay the gym fee somewhere where babysitting is also available which is so expensive. Where there's a will there's a way, now I need to find the funds to get this going. I know deep inside this will benefit everyone, right?

At least for now I'm eating a little better, a little more on the side of how mindful I was when I was single and when I was so in tune with what my body wanted instead of what my newborn needs from me...

And I'm all yours, baby...

Were the best words I've heard lately. Made me smile so big and feel loved in an awesome way, a way I hadn't realized before... 'cause I'm so self absorbed and I'm blind to true love most of the time, and I'm sorry for that, and I'll relish in it today.

I'm all yours, too, by the way.