Another one bites the dust...

Good Riddance... True friends are hard to come by, and when you have them, nourish your relationship with love and kindness, acceptance and most of all, friendship is a no-judgement zone, free of envious and selfish intentions, a place where no matter how much your friend shines if she's truly special to you, you'll love being in her presence without feeling out-shined. 
Yes, I've been in rehab for binge drinking and not being kind to myself, and in the psych ward when I needed help with depression, but this makes me stronger and able to look at people for who they are, without judgement, and see their tru colors, or if they are fake and pretentious, forgetting where they come from and bulldozing others who have always been there when they ask for help, regardless of how small or ugly or old my house is, it has always been open.
I am strong, beautiful, secure of myself, educated, honest, straight forward, LOVING and LOVABLE. My true friends are able to see me as such, don't judge me and encourage my ideas and personal choices no matter what.
As for you, you know who you are: For over eight years I tried to be your friend, opened the doors of my home and my heart, was always there whenever you called, encouraged your ideas and was always myself, never up or down, just me, you judged and criticized, weren't willing to help when I needed you during my citizenship process, and treated me like crap.
God bless you, truly, may you find and keep the happiness you boast to have and the material wealth you long to possess. May your thoughts and life be truly full of the peace you brag about and full of the awesomeness that surrounds you. I hope you face your demons soon so that the need to steal other people's ideas and greed don't propel you into action. Keep faking til you make it!

Detox day 3, Boot Camp week 4 and update on this year's garden

I have to say I have been hungry these last three days but not starving hungry, so it's OK. I've peed about 4lbs so far, not much to get excited about since I know that's all it is...water and, hopefully, "toxins" that my body is supposed to be getting rid of with the aid of the AM Detox drink, the Super Charged Greens drink and the workouts. Plus I've been sleeping much more, it said on the David Kirsch website that I should rest all I could during the Detox days. Thank God for my mother and husband as they have been on baby duty so I can do this.
I also should note that I am able to play a bit more with my little P., she loves trying the "animal" moves such as bear walk, bunny and froggy jumps, and we've made up the kitty snuggle (where she tries to curl up in a little ball laying on the carpet imitating the cat when he naps).
I will admit I ate my salad with a little bit of balsamic vinaigrette Monday, and I added olive oil to it on Tuesday. Somehow I feel I need some healthy oils on the only meal I can eat! I had chicken Monday and tuna Tuesday, will have tuna again today as that was nice yesterday. Needless to say, I really look forward to my lunch!
I did break and ate a few prunes and almonds Tuesday afternoon and only a few prunes Monday afternoon. I hope I can go without today. It has been pretty hard, but I keep telling myself "It's already hump day, almost over, no different than a bad work week! You probably won't need coffee or sugary stuff in your life at all after Friday!" But the Pub mix snack won't be so lucky, I really like salty snacks :-/ hence all the water retention...
However, today's workout wasn't the best, I was so tired during the last stretch and since we were inside the gym, I was disgusted every time I caught a glimpse of my reflection in all the mirrors, pretty self defeating. I tried to think all kinds of positive thoughts, like "that roll you see is getting blasted with this move" or "if you keep trying to lift yourself when you're this heavy, how easy it will be when you get lighter", but I don't think they worked much. Oh well, there's always the next workout to try and be better, right?

In other news, the garden's looking fantastic. J. helped me make it a larger area (90 sq ft now), by consolidating the original two "little" patches, we put in some pavers to separate the plant sections and so that I can step inside to plant/weed/harvest throughout the season. He also helped me surround it with chicken wire to keep our tenant the bunny out and he helped me cover the strawberry corner so the birdies don't get to them, moved the compost bin closer to the patch, and has been saving grass clippings when he mowes the lawn so I can mulch the plants. I think he is as excited as I am this year, after all his hard work. He asks me if he needs to water every night and he takes the kitchen scraps to the bin. I can't wait until our first harvest!

This year we have the following plants:
3 tomate verde plants (so excited about these!)
1 purple Cheyenne tomato
1 Juliet Roma (grape) tomato
1 cherry tomato
2 cucumber
2 sequoia strawberry
1 white something strawberry
2 Anaheim pepper
2 Serrano pepper
1 green bell pepper
4 red bell pepper
1 giant jalapeno pepper
2 black queen eggplant

We started from seed:
watermelon (3 seedlings have sprouted)
corn (several seedlings have sprouted)
rainbow mix carrots (several seedlings have sprouted)



Perennials:
asparagus (planted it last year, and we already ate a few earlier this spring)
mint (third year with it in garden)
purslane is coming back again this year, I guess the little seeds that fell from the plants that came up last year were enough for it to resurrect :-)

Annual herbs:
thyme
basil

As you can see, I tried to experiment with new plants this year, but I'm still scared to try with squashes (they had root rot the two previous years), green beans, peas and such. I also would love to have lettuces again but I don't want to crowd the existing plants like I did a couple years ago and I felt overwhelmed.
I really would like to have turnips, parsnips, and kohlrabi without the slugs getting to them on the leaves and the earwigs and other bugs on the roots so I think I should do those in a container. Maybe when Luci is older and Pia doesn't run into the street like a crazy little goat...I just feel like either I should tend to the garden or watch them and play with them, but can't do both!

I'm back!

So the scale won't budge and has stayed between 200 and 192 lbs for the last three months. My second daughter, L. will be 4 months old in two days. I lost 28-30 lbs right after she was born, but even to return to the weight I was (186 lbs)when I got pregnant with her has been a struggle, let alone get back to my comfortable weight (156 lbs) and fitness level from three years ago before my first daughter was born!
My knees, hips, and back hurt and I have just been feeling pretty yucky. I hate being heavy. I hate looking like a whale, but whales are cute and they're supposed to be big. Hate it with a passion. I hate having my clothes in totes. I hate being a size 16, a tight 16, when I was a 6! It brings me down and I eat my feelings in salty snacks or ice cream. Ugh. I hate not liking to have photos taken with my daughters because I am so fat. I hate all fat people and their bullshit: "Oh I am so fat but I am still fit and healthy as an ox." I curse them. And I REFUSE to be one of them.
I tried Atkins for a month, had lost 7 lbs, but was so hungry and miserable, besides my husband protested at the cost of the grocery bill after he spotted a packet of grouper that was a bit too expensive, so that was that.
After pleading to him, especially since my cholesterol results were high back in March and reality has kind of been hitting me, I was able to sign up for the "Boot Camp" (24/7 Fitness in Sioux Falls) and will do 8 weeks. I started "Boot Camp" three weeks ago, somewhat determined to get back on the bandwagon. I'm in week 4 and have not lost a single pound, but have not been meticulous about my diet either. And now I decided I should type about this journey and see how it all unfolds.
So far, I have been taking the GNC Energy for Women vitamin packs and I have to admit I do feel better;  at the workouts, I am able to do a bit  more, but my knees are quite achy since last week and my hips/back are still uncomfortable from the pregnancy, so it's a real challenge to run all what the trainer makes us run, but I was super happy to get ahead of the group this morning!
"Boot Camp" is from 6-7am three times per week and I've been able to do this thanks to my husband, my mom, and my boss. My mom watches the babies for us and my boss has let me change my work hours while my mom is with us so this is awesome and I don't want to let them down. I don't want to quit and I really want to lose this weight so we all can see that our efforts were worth it. But some days it is really hard to get out of bed!
When I was doing the Atkins thing, I had bought a David Kirsch 5 day Ultimate Detox Kit but I had not made up my mind to follow through and the box kept staring at me from the dresser - until now. I talked about it with my husband and my mom and I finally started it this morning. So far so good. I took the Daily Detox shot before my workout along with the Energy Enhancer and Ginko from GNC. After the workout I took the Protein Shake and Super charged Greens. I just finished up the Thermo Bubbles drink, and am getting a bit hungry but will drink some decaf herbal tea until lunch time, when I will have a salad with chicken. For dinner I will have another shake. Rinse and repeat for the next four days. Hopefully my energy is not shot for the workouts on Wednesday and Friday.

I also now apply FatGirlSlim twice a day and LoveHandler lotion once a day, to my family's skeptical giggling, but I will get toned and slim and I don't care if they laugh at me.

Wish me luck!

I purchased the David Kirsch and the FatGirlSlim products on bliss.com

Do I blog for me or for an audience?

The question has been in my mind for a while, after I stopped writing and posting a few months ago. In a way I do want others to read what I write, but in another way, I realize there are some individuals who I am not interested in sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings as I know they probably gossip or think worse of me as I "give" more information through this site.

I always wanted the goal of my blog to be that of reaching someone who might be feeling alone, fighting a depression and realize they too will get through it, as I did with others' blogs. I have always wanted to nourish that feeling of kindred spirits no matter the distance. Another goal was to just get things out of my system and maybe receive from comments, or feedback regarding what I had to say.

Maybe what I write hasn't been interesting enough, and serves the purpose of my venting and in a healthy way "let it go", whether it is anger I'm dealing with, or sadness, frustration, mostly those three. Sorry I'm not more cheerful, but hey, this is me, and this is my place :-)

I've considered maybe taking another route, blogging about my cooking and how I still sometimes enjoy that. Or maybe blogging more about being with my daughter, who is now almost 16 months old and what a ride it has been to be her mother so far. Or maybe blog about my second pregnancy, and how different it has been than my first (full term) one. Or blog more about my life growing up (but found out that topic sometimes kindles the fire of resentment and anger and revives the past so, unless I really want to deal with it on top of all else in my life at the present, I decided not to go there). Then I realized I would just keep writing about my every day, like a journal, a dirary, no topic...
Well, in the end, I guess blogging "for me" is really not working, I already do that semi regularly on a real journal by my nightstand. I have realized I enjoy seeing visitors around here, and it bums me when weeks go by and I have one or two visits in a month.  Maybe I'll try again, when I quit my job, or when I am abducted by aliens and my life becomes more pleasant and worth sharing about so I can get more readers, perhaps?

Dear lonely reader, thank you for stopping by!

A Veggie Venture: Recipe for Roasted Kohlrabi ♥

WIll try this with white turnips in the mix...fresh from our backyard garden :-)

A Veggie Venture: Recipe for Roasted Kohlrabi ♥: "How to roast kohlrabi, a simple way to cook kohlrabi, just cubed and oven-roasted. Low carb. Weight Watchers 1 point. ~recipe & photo updat..."

blog del padre Fortea: Noruega, Occidente

Estoy totalmente de acuerdo con el padre Fortea en este respecto, eso mismo dije en cuanto supe del ataque "en Noruega de todos los lugares, que extranio!"
blog del padre Fortea: Noruega, Occidente: "Todo ataque terrorista es una aberración. Pero el ataque a Noruega es una sinrazón dentro de la aberración. ¿En qué pensarían los sembrado..."

Didn't make my wallet fatter but...

at least the stress level went a bit down.


My wallet...





See, when you share your troubles with your loved ones they seem to take responsibility for whatever is troubling you if it affects them. So I am thankful that I at least was heard and since I asked for help, I was open to solutions. I can't say our problems are fixed but at least I feel we are more of a team now than we were before I reached out for help.

We still have to get caught up and I don't know how long that will take, with a baby on the way and a toddler to be 11 and a half month old at home. See I know we can trim more fat from our monthly expenses, but imagine if we didn't already try to conserve as much as we can? We do all this:

• We hardly ever eat out, which means 98% of our meals are at home,
• we cloth diaper, we line dry most of our clothes,
• we've been driving less,
• we bring our own coffe/tea to work,
• we sack our lunches,
• we put the gym on hold,
• we're selling one of the cars (If you're interested in the Jetta, let me know!),
• we have a vegetable garden (which I hope will give us good veggies this year, if the rabbit stops eating my broccoli),
• we live in a very modest small house, which means our mortgage payment is rather low,
• I made the baby's food when she started solids, and all she eats now are homemade meals and snacks, but she stopped nursing at 10 months so we compensate with formula, so that added an expense
• we shop at Sam's for some things and other things at the grocery store with shopping lists, and an awareness of how much money we have available for food-grocery items,
• we recycle and get reward points for it, then I trade some points for baby food items or "green" house cleaning supplies,
• we are mindful of our energy, water, and gas use, and monitor how much it increases or decreases month to month and the factors that lead to these fluctuations
• we don't shop, window shop, or internet shop, unless it's for necessary items (i.e. diaper soap or diaper covers, which we'll keep using with next baby, so expense pays for itself after the first 7 or 9 days of not using disposable diapers)

We've concluded that what takes most of our money away are the "second class necessary" payments, such as:

• student loan,
• cell phones (we don't have a land line and we do have one of the lowest rate family plans,
• I've been considering switching to Magic Jack and shut the cell phone out or use a pay as yo go phone but I'm not convinced yet),
• credit card 'pay-down',
• an old hospital bill,
• internet (again we carry the lowest rate service),
• Dish (we hate it and we're in the process of downgrading the plan until we can cancel the service without shelling out the $200 fee if cancelled before the contract expires).

These are the most significant mone busters in our life. And we're working on eliminating them or at least reducing some of their costs.

We still are commited to our emergency fund and put money in it every month, and at work we automatically contribute to our retirement accounts, but I'd like to do more since my contribution was cut 50% when I went part time without the possibility to contribute the difference to my IRA Roth outside work due to our other expenses.

I still worry a bit about our money situation, but I know now that I'm not alone, I just hope we keep talking about this and not fall into the 'ignoring is better pattern' we were in up until a few weeks ago.

What do you all do to "save money" or better said "not spend more than you need"?